He Held The Key
by danbuscus
Summary: Can two best friends ever really be more without it falling apart? Tobuscus/OC. T just in case. No smut or anything but some strong language later on. May have to go up to an M later, I'm not sure though. I suck at summaries, the story's a lot better!
1. Chapter 1

Forever alone, something we all feel. Sat with couples, your friends all having relationship promblems, your younger sibling finding some one before you. Not ever finding that someone special, who would even consider looking at you that way. Loving the one who lives so far away you may never meet them, or worse, don't even know who you are. But you know them, and have come to love them. Or what I think is worse. Having them so close, seeing them constantly, but no where near enough. Their laugh, their smile, finding a way to weave in to your mind, being the last thing you see before your eyes fall shut. Wanting, needing to be with them but it hurting every second. Butterflies seeming to live in your stomach as they do that smile, that smile that seems to be just for you. Their quick touches, looks across the room, in crowded places. How they don't feel the same. How you have no effect on them, seeing you as just 'one of the lads' or the person who you can always rely on, that really good friend that seems to do anything for you. The hope and joy of your moments together falling when you see them watch someone else, look at someone else. Be with some one else. I think that's worse, the torment of knowing how happy they make you but how you mean nothing in comparrison to them. Yeah, that's the worst to me. And I didn't even know it was happening.

I was a child still, not technically, but a lot of my traits of my young self remained. But I had to grow fast, mature and learn to get on with things because they won't do themselves. At heart, in soul I was still clinging on to the few parts of my childhood I could. I never let it show, keeping it to myself and being known as the shoulder to cry on, the one to go to when stuff needed to be done. It was kind of a wall to keep away the friends that really you mean nothing to. But there was the few, very few that without getting me drunk I could really be me around. He was one of the few. My good posture I had attained from years of dance training fell when I sat at Toby's, lying leaning up on the arm of his couch. I watched his footsteps as he walked in circles, talking in to his phone as usual. Any one else would have look mentally unstable doing the things he did but to me it was just Toby. He was saying his final good byes before we headed out for some coffee, panning the camera to me and ranting about what a lazy woman I was. I stuck my tongue out at him before jumping up and grabbing the phone from his hand.

"Lazy am I? Well audience, maybe we should go and see the state of a Mr. Turner's room shall we?" I said confidently, watching him chase after me as I neared closer to the stairs, trotting up as I neared the dreaded place where it constantly looked like the remains of a wreckage. He was fast, catching up with me quick and using his height, even on the stairs to snatch it from me. It was a clear disadvantage, and I span quickly to frown at him. "Bully!" I shouted, swatting at him as we headed back down the stairs. He shook his head, his curls swaying slightly as he stumbled down with his heavy feet.

"Well that's it Audience! I'm going to head out with this weirdo to get some coffee. Why am I even friends with you?" He asked, turning with an expression making it hard to know if he was joking or not. I turned sideways, running past him and grabbing my coat from the hanger at the bottom of the stairs.

"Because Mr. Turner," I started, moving back behind him as he looked anxiously from the front screen camera. "I stop you hurting yourself everytime you go out somewhere and make sure you actually have videos up to have an Audience for." I smiled smugly, passing him his keys as he walked past them absent mindedly. I turned to check I had grabbed everything and I knew he was behind me pulling some sort of face. I went to turn and catch him but the piercing sound of his infamous boop had already made me wince. Huffing as if I was the one who was unprepared he pushed past me, going to the door and strutting out to his car. I followed behind, smiling as my guy best friend once again made a fool of himself. He unlocked the car as he walked, moving around to swing mine open in my face before shuffling to his. I giggled as I slipped in my side. He buckled himself in, throwing me a smile which often left his Audience weak at the knees and we set off. It wasn't far, we easily could have walked there but, we never just went to coffee. Every trip was an adventure, go someplace new or go and try and find things and people. So we drove, even if it was only around the corner.

The lack of traffice made the journey short, and I was still day dreaming when we parked. I heard Toby call my name, but it took me a while to realise that meant he wanted me. I turned to him, apologising as we started to get out of the car. He moaned at me for not letting him open my door, always trying to be a gentleman. I simply laughed, dragging him by his hand towards the cafe's door. He went a long with it for a while, before releasing my hand and wheeling himself the rest of the way in. Even as another couple entered before me, he held the door open until I came in. It was a lot warmer in here, and I was able to take my hands out of my pockets after he had let one go. We joined the end of the short queue, as he rambled on at me while I still tried to get my head around what I wanted. I was always to indisicive, so when what coffee to order ame around, you bet I took my time. We neared the front, and I finally settled on what I wanted.

"Hannah!" I heard someone call from in the distance, my head shooting around in surprise. I spotted a hand waving frantically in the air, tip-toeing to see who it belonged to. It was Rebecca's hand, my best friend waving at me sat happily next to Naomi. They mirrored each others grins, both of their hands waving at me to come over. I turned to see Toby still humming to himself as he looked through the glass case that covered the cakes. I nodded towards him, smiling apolgetically at my friends sat together. They sighed in unison, conitnuing to wave me over.

"Go, I'll come join you later." Toby ushered, but I continued to shake my head at him. I felt terrible, I had spent so much time with him lately I had bearely spoken to my two closest friends. But when I was with Toby I had a tendancy to forget aboutevery thing else, he was just to much fun to think of anything else with. Yeah, it was purely the fun we had together that made me forget about the rest of the world when I was with him. His hands on my shoulders knocked me out of my train of thought as he shoved me gently out of the line. Blocking me before I had a chance to join him again he started talking to the woman at the counter about our order. I groaned at him, before making my way through the tables to my friends. They both greeted me with grins, thier hands wrapped tightly around what smelt like hot chocolate.

"Manage to tear yourself away from your boy friend then?" Rebecca joked, as I pulled out my chair and swatting at her. I heard Naomi giggle beside me, tunring to hit her playfully too. "No, I get it. He's not your boy friend." Rebecca said, with her hands up like I was going to shoot at her. I nodded, pulling my bag off my shoulder and placing my bag on the floor. We made small talk, mostly me apologising for not being around much. I tried to blame it on work but they both knew it was me spending far too much time with Toby. I felt Toby's hand tap me on the back as he stood behind me offering me a cup with steam flowing from the top of it. I took it from him, placing it on the table before turning around to ask why he was still standing.

"Well, I best be off!" He smiled, patting me on the head as he tried to make his escape.

"NO!" I replied, far too loud and harshly to not be noticed. I mentally kicked myself, before lowering my tone. "I mean, I can come with you if you like, or just stay here with us?" I asked, knowing as soon as he was gone now I would have to indure a few hours of teasing. He simply shook his head making up some poor excuse of not wanting to intrude on some girl time.

"See you girls. Speak to you later Hannah?" He asked, squeezing my shoulder. I couldn't hide the dissapointment on my face and simply nodding. I don't know why I felt so bad about him leaving, it can't have been that I really couldn't handle not being with him. I shook this thought of, convincing myself that it was purely guilt of making him feel like he had to leave, no matter how many times he said he was busy anyway. After an awkward silence I felt his hand lift from me, before he waved at us all as he moved through the crowd. I could feel the burning stare of the girls on me, building the courage to look up at them. Their questioning glances were obvious and I soon got defensive.

"When are you going to tell him Han?" Naomi asked, breaking the silence that had built. I just continued to stare at them both ouzzled, as I took a sip from what I discovered was a gingerbread latte Toby had brought me. They both stared at each toher in disbelief as I continued to look at them confused. Eventually Rebecca sighed, throwing down her hand in defeat.

"For crying out loud, that you are utterly in love with him!" Becca shouted, getting quite a few stares from the people around us. She apolgised briefly, as I continued to turn absurdly red. I tried to laugh it off, but all that came out was the sound of a struggling cat. Naomi sighed and rolled her eyes at me, getting a laugh from Becca.

"I don't! He's just a friend, what's a girl got to do to prove that!" I replied, the frustraion in my voice showing. But then I realised I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince, my friends of myself.


	2. Chapter 2

Bestfriends to boy friends never work do they. It seems so perfect, but then when you have them, you look at them and you just can't bear the thought of hurting them. It's going to happen, someone will say something and then things will never be the same. When you break up with someone it'sbad enough, but when it's with the person you would normally go to after, it's worse. You can try all you want to get back to how you were before, but you know it won't. You'll never be able to ask for advice on relationships again, and knowing they've seen all of you, and you them? It just doesn't work any more, once you have given them everything, felt everything for them. It's too hard. But sometimes you can't help it, your heart falls for them and suddenly you can't imagine it any other way. So what do you do, risk you relatioship or losing what yo've always wanted?

I walked in to my apartment, it being cold as I hadn't stayed there in so long. I practically lived at Toby's house these days, more of stuff living at his now then mine. The first night I stayed over it was awkward. I wore the most unflattering night wear I could find, insisting I sleep in the sofa, even if it was the middle of winter. He hated the thought of it, pushing me in to his room but I told him sternly, I was the one who was going to sleep on the sofa. I wrapped myself in a blanket that he left draped on the back of the couch, curled in a ball to try and keep in some heat. It worked at first, and I managed to get to that hazy stage before real, deep sleep. But then the chill got harsher, creeping up on me and leaving my hairs standing on end. I bit down on my lip, willing myself to ignore it and just sleep for god sake. It didn't work. Soon enough I was on my feet, dragging the blanket to Toby's room. I tapped on the door lightly to give some warning before tip-toeing in. He was lying in the middle of the bed, wrapped with the quilt tight around him. The planes of his chest made an appearance as he stirred, rubbing his eyes before staring at me.

"Han-hannah? You ok? What's wrong?He spoke softly, pushing himself up slightly on the bed. I felt so guilty, stirring this adorable man from his slumber. Not to mention catching him topless. I shook my head, pulling the blanket from behind and wrapping it tighter around my shoulders.

"No, it's just a little cold. Do you have any more blankets?" I asked, looking at my feet. There was a small silence, as I refused to look up still. Soon, the rustle of sheets broke this as Toby groaned. I heard his voice crack as he went to say something but he only fell silent again. I glanced up, spotting having smoothed out the covers and moving to one side. He spot me looking, patting the side that was spare next to me. I went to protest, knowing this wasn't going to end well but I was too cold to care. I dropped my blanket, before crawling across the foot of the bed to the free side. I slithered up, tucking the quilt to under my arms. I heard Toby giggle at how far I stayed from him, but I ignored him, turning my back and falling in to slumber. It got easier after that, becoming normal for us to share a bed. Our sides were divided, we made sure to never make things awkward and making sure to go to bed fully clothed. We would take turns getting up first, one going for a shower first and the other making breakfast. This was normal right, sharing a bed with your best friend? No matter how many times I told my self this, I never mentioned it to my friends. I don't know why, it just felt wrong.

I'm not sure when it was exactly, but soon things started to change. I would notice him more as he slept, using not touching but sleeping right next to each other now. I would catch myself watching his as he breathed, smiling as he smiled in his dreams. My eyes tracing his jawline, etching his face in perfect memory. Watching his chest move, not falling asleep until I knew he was happy. It got worse. It got harder and harder not to close that gap, move and rest my head on his chest. Not to grab his arm and pull it around me. I told myself it was because I was cold, and just wanted a hug. But I couldn't even convince myself. I made sure to stay well away then, sleeping practically off the bed. One night though, I gave in. I was lying, holding on to dear life as I tried to keep my distance. Tob moving startled me, and I moved back over near him so he didn't think anything was different to usual. I didn't want him to know I felt the need to hang off the bed when he slept, but couldn't help myself doing so. He tossed and turned more in his sleep, his brows furrowing. He was having a bad dream and I couldn't just watch. I reached out, stroking his face as I told him it was just a dream. He froze at my touch, before smiling. His own arm moved them, snaking round me and holding me to him. His head nuzzled in to my hair as I felt him drift off in to a peacful sleep again. I know I should have but I couldn't help it. I tried to freeze up but he only held me tighter, until I couldn't help but melt. Burying my head in his shoulder, I closed my eyes trying to remember this for as long as I could. I woke up to an empty bed that morning.

From then on I started to notice things during the day. I'd read the audience mentioning these things before but it was like I was seeing him for the first time. The way his curls shifted when he ran his hand through his hair, the way his eyes seemed to sparkle when he smiled. His smiling, leaving my stomach fulll of butterflies and his smallest touches making me hold my breath. His arms, his collar bones, how he actually looked shirtless suddenly mattered to me. I liked everything about him. But surely I didn't love him did I? I started to think back to all those times where I had blanked out and imagined him, us. How it would be to have hime hold me, as more than a friend. How his lips would feel so good against mine. Really seeing how good looking he was. He was so gently, caring, funny, intelligent, everything you could ask for. But I couldn't, I couldn't fall for him. I didn't want to ruin us, or ever lose him. I'd seen him watch other girls, and knew I wasn't good enough.

I shrugged off my coat, draping it over the arm of the chair before walking in to the kitchen. Switiching the heater on while I walked, I put the kettle on, making some tea to calm myself with. I needed to talk to someone, tell them everything. I needed help from someone who wouldn't judge me. The kettle clicked and I reached for the landline phone, dialing Rebecca's phone number before I lost courage. The phone rang as I paced the kitchen, picking up a tea bag and dropping in in to a mug. When the ringing cut off I stopped abrubtly, holding on to the counter for support. "Hey Becca, it's me Hannah." I said, knowing she'd be able to detect the strain in my voice and that there was no point in trying to hide it.

"I have caller ID you know. Hey, what's up?" She asked, as I braced myself for a lot of mockery and 'I told you so' being mentioned more than once. I poured the water in to the mug, not even wanting the tea and just doing it to keep my hands busy and not scream out in frustration. I rocked back on my heels, holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder. Giving me up with the tea, I walked back in to the living room, slouching on the sofa and tucking my knees under my chin.

"I want to talk about something. What you said in the coffee shop, I think I might, I don't know anymore Bec." I sighed, my eyes staring at my feet. I hated having to admit defeat, or ask for help and be a burden to someone.

"Finally! But really, come on. Tell me what's going on now." She joked at first, before her tone turned soothing. I took a deep breath, trying to think of something to say. My hand found it's way to a piece of hair that had fallen free of the quick bun I had put it in, twirling it in my fingers as I tried to find a way to explain everything.

"I didn't think I loved him but, I guess I kind of do. I just started notcing him different you know? Like when I woke up next to him in the morning, my heart would race as I watched him. He gives me butterflies, makes me like myself. He's perfect Becca and I can't have him." I groaned, yet again kicking myself mentally as I mentioned waking next to him.

"Well, if this wasn't this situation I would be at your house hitting you for sharing a bed with him. But it's ok, I've known you love him for a while honey. We all have. I think he does too, and that's why he sticks around. I think he loves you too! Have you two ever done anything together?" She asked, trying to make light of the situation and make me feel better about myself. But what had we done? Much to my dismay, nothing really. We had shared a bed but it wasn't in a sexual way, it was for convinence and comfort. But I guess that one night, when I had seen him have a bad dream we had...

"No. Not really. Well one night, I woke up and he was having a bad dream. It worried me so I scooted over right?" I asked, hoping she wasn't going to shout at me alread. She mumbled something before telling me to continue. "So I moved next to him and told him it would be ok. I stroked his cheek, in a comforting way of course!" I sputtered, and I could have sworn heard her giggle. "Anyway, he seemed to freeze up when I touched him. He opened his eye slightly and then, well, he hugged me. While he was shirtless, in bed. He nuzzled his head in my hair and wouldn't let me go and we fell asleep like that. It was great, I don't think I've been happier. But in the morning he was in the living room, and he never mentioned it." I whispered at the end, the pain of him not remembering hurting again. Sh sighed on the other end of the phone, until I moved to a fetal position on the chair.

"Look, Hannah," She started, as I nodded and mumbed to show I was listening. "So, he may not have rembered or maybe he was scared he creeped you out? You can tell by the way he looks at you that he thinks more of you than just a best friend. Just trust me on this one, when have I ever been wrong with you and guys?" She pushed, and I knew she was right. However many times I had ignored her advice she always was right, spotting the ones that were bad for me way before I did.

"Do you think I should tell him?" I asked, already knowing the answer. But I was desperate, any chance to get out of what was going to change everything for me.

"Yeah, you should! I'll help if you like?" Becca replied and I winced. This was it, no going back.

"Ok. I will."


End file.
